About Me
- Brendan
- I am a professional educator by trade, but by my definition, I am much more than that. I wear many hats; including, but not limited to, Father, Husband, Son, Step-Father, Ex-Husband, Entrepreneur, Public Speaker, Super Geek (love technology), Trainer, Coach, Student, Writer, Dreamer, and Leader. For fun I am an avid golfer and consider myself a blessed individual because I have the greatest wife in the world that loves to golf with me.
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Thursday, August 25, 2011
Lesson 4 Active Listening and Speaking
Being a great listener is just as important as being a great speaker (maybe even more). In the world of public speaking, if you don't have anyone that will listen to you then you have no reason to speak. Listening and speaking go hand in hand (or maybe ear to ear).
IMPORTANT TO KNOW: A skilled listener will always be a better speaker.
Active Listening is PURPOSEFUL LISTENING that will allow you to RECOGNIZE, UNDERSTAND, and ACCURATELY understand what is being said by others.
Each audience member listening to the same speaker is not going to pick up on the same message exactly as everyone else because we all use a process known as selective perception to gather information.
With selective perception:
The best way to learn Active Listening is to first understand what gets in the way of Active Listening.
Distractions: External, Internal, and Other Barriers to Listening
An External Distractions is anything in the outside environment that is competing against the speaker. It can be a noisy fan, a radio, a baby crying, a shiny object, a pretty lady, a good looking guy, a stinky smell, a squirrel, or whatever takes attention away from what is being said.
There is some control over these distractions and we'll get to that in a bit.
Internal Distractions is what is going on inside. This can be a worrisome thought, an excited feeling, a sickness, stomach issues, bad gas (creates external distraction), anxiety, or anything that you are thinking or feeling that takes your attention away from what is being said.
From personal experience the hardest internal distraction when it comes to listening is when I hear something that sparks a memory or thought and my mind then drifts to that event. We all do this when we listen and even when we are reading. There's a good chance when you read "bad gas" you had a memory of some unpleasant odor that was released (either by you or someone nearby) that created a lasting impression. For that brief moment, you were distracted.
Other barriers in active listening include scriptwriting listening, defensive listening, laziness, overconfidence, and cultural differences.
Scriptwriter listening is when you are more focused on what the speaker is going to say next rather than what is being said now.
Defensive listening occurs when you decide (usually prematurely) that you don't like what is being or will be said (goes against your values or is challenging a belief or opinion). Here's great example of this occurring in politics.
Fedex Commercial
Laziness is another barrier. You are too lazy in your attitude to put forth an effort to actively listen.
A close cousin to laziness is overconfidence. You have decided that you already know (or know more) than the speaker. Rarely do we know as much as we think we know.
(This does not apply to me because I know everything I need to know except for the things I don't know that I will know when I finally know them)
Finally there are cultural differences that get in the way of active listening. A great example of that was my statement above about me knowing everything except for what I don't know…etc. If you don't know me personally, this may seem like a dumb statement. Those that do know me may understand that it's my dumb sense of humor. Those from another country, may not understand the statement at all. Often we use "slang" words and phrases that may only be understood within other culturals. In the South (United States) they often use the word "fixin" as some kind of decision, like "I'm fixin to go to the store." Where I come from, I add a "g" to the end of that word and use it differently, such as, "I'm fixing my bike tire that has a hole in it."
Hopefully I haven't confused you and made you "dumber than a bag of hammers." (Figure that one out)
Now the good stuff.
How to Become a Great Active Listener
Control the distractions that you can control. You may have some control over external distractions by preparing ahead of time. Get to the speaking event early so you can be close and not be bothered by others around or in front of you.
Control your inner distractions by consciously preparing for the speaking event.
There are many different styles to note taking. Find/experiment with what works best for you. Depending on the speaker and YOUR purpose, the note taking may change. One thing I discourage is writing in full sentences because it just takes too long. I personally like to use the 2 column method. I put a line down the middle of my paper and on the left side I write down anything I feel is important that the speaker says. On the right side I right down how it applies or is important to me (this is sometimes done after the speech).
The great thing about Active Listening is it make you a better critical thinker. In the world of business, critical thinking is highly sought after because those that posses good critical thinking skills can evaluate claims on the basis of well-supported reasons.
An increase of critical thinking ability allows you to discern between a speech that is valid and credible and one that is not.
Active listening and critical thinking are used together. When you use critical thinking you can learn to:
Active Listeners are Better at Evaluating Others
Often in the realm of public speaking you will be called upon to evaluate others. Because your are more aware of what is being said and how it is being said, you become a better at evaluating someone.
Keep this in mind when you are evaluating others.
Questions
IMPORTANT TO KNOW: A skilled listener will always be a better speaker.
Active Listening is PURPOSEFUL LISTENING that will allow you to RECOGNIZE, UNDERSTAND, and ACCURATELY understand what is being said by others.
Each audience member listening to the same speaker is not going to pick up on the same message exactly as everyone else because we all use a process known as selective perception to gather information.
With selective perception:
- We pay attention to what we feel is important. If it's important to you, you will pay attention. Of course, we don't all think the same things are important.
- We pay attention to information that we can relate to through personal experiences and our background.
- We sort and filter new information by connecting it to information we already know. This is a great "conscious" strategy you can use with new information you must remember; just link it something you already know. You can do this to remember names. Here's a good video that demonstrates this (in a funny way).
The best way to learn Active Listening is to first understand what gets in the way of Active Listening.
Distractions: External, Internal, and Other Barriers to Listening
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| Squirrels are distracting |
There is some control over these distractions and we'll get to that in a bit.
Internal Distractions is what is going on inside. This can be a worrisome thought, an excited feeling, a sickness, stomach issues, bad gas (creates external distraction), anxiety, or anything that you are thinking or feeling that takes your attention away from what is being said.
 |
| C'mon 9th Floor, Get There |
Other barriers in active listening include scriptwriting listening, defensive listening, laziness, overconfidence, and cultural differences.
Scriptwriter listening is when you are more focused on what the speaker is going to say next rather than what is being said now.
Defensive listening occurs when you decide (usually prematurely) that you don't like what is being or will be said (goes against your values or is challenging a belief or opinion). Here's great example of this occurring in politics.
Fedex Commercial
Laziness is another barrier. You are too lazy in your attitude to put forth an effort to actively listen.
A close cousin to laziness is overconfidence. You have decided that you already know (or know more) than the speaker. Rarely do we know as much as we think we know.
(This does not apply to me because I know everything I need to know except for the things I don't know that I will know when I finally know them)
Finally there are cultural differences that get in the way of active listening. A great example of that was my statement above about me knowing everything except for what I don't know…etc. If you don't know me personally, this may seem like a dumb statement. Those that do know me may understand that it's my dumb sense of humor. Those from another country, may not understand the statement at all. Often we use "slang" words and phrases that may only be understood within other culturals. In the South (United States) they often use the word "fixin" as some kind of decision, like "I'm fixin to go to the store." Where I come from, I add a "g" to the end of that word and use it differently, such as, "I'm fixing my bike tire that has a hole in it."
Hopefully I haven't confused you and made you "dumber than a bag of hammers." (Figure that one out)
Now the good stuff.
How to Become a Great Active Listener
Control the distractions that you can control. You may have some control over external distractions by preparing ahead of time. Get to the speaking event early so you can be close and not be bothered by others around or in front of you.
Control your inner distractions by consciously preparing for the speaking event.
- Set listening goals- what you want to get out of the speech.
- Listen for main ideas (and write them down).
- See if you can pick up on the organizational patterns of the speaker.
- See if you can pick up on the speakers nonverbal cues.
- Take notes on those ideas, concepts, or delivery method that you liked or didn't like.
There are many different styles to note taking. Find/experiment with what works best for you. Depending on the speaker and YOUR purpose, the note taking may change. One thing I discourage is writing in full sentences because it just takes too long. I personally like to use the 2 column method. I put a line down the middle of my paper and on the left side I write down anything I feel is important that the speaker says. On the right side I right down how it applies or is important to me (this is sometimes done after the speech).
The great thing about Active Listening is it make you a better critical thinker. In the world of business, critical thinking is highly sought after because those that posses good critical thinking skills can evaluate claims on the basis of well-supported reasons.
An increase of critical thinking ability allows you to discern between a speech that is valid and credible and one that is not.
Active listening and critical thinking are used together. When you use critical thinking you can learn to:
- Evaluate the evidence used as accurate or not.
- Assess an argument's logic (Is it solid logic based on facts or fiction?).
- Resist the trap of believing everything you hear, especially if it's from a "perceived" credible source. It's okay to question and challenge an argument.
- Consider multiple perspectives.
Active Listeners are Better at Evaluating Others
Often in the realm of public speaking you will be called upon to evaluate others. Because your are more aware of what is being said and how it is being said, you become a better at evaluating someone.
Keep this in mind when you are evaluating others.
- Have a plan to evaluate. Have some kind of score card or rubric to evaluate from if possible (see Evaluation Form Examples).
- Understand the level of experience of the speaker you are evaluating. A good speech for a novice is different than a good speech of someone who has been professionally speaking.
- Be honest in your evaluation. Remember that you are evaluating from your experience and what you believe to be good or bad. Just be honest and fair.
- Find positives to evaluate as well as some areas of improvement.
- Separate the speech from the speaker. You may or may not like the individual giving the speech. Focus on the speech rather than the individual.
- Give feedback that can be used. Often I see evaluations that say "You did a great job." Well that doesn't help. You need to explain how and/or why they did a great job. BE SPECIFIC.
Questions
- How has active listening helped you personally or professionally in your life?
- How has the lack of active listening hurt you in your personal or professional life?
- Why is critical thinking so important to you? How can increasing your critical thinking skills help you get what you want in life?
- Think back to the statement, "Your truth is based off your perception and your perception can change." What does that mean to you and how does it affect your listening skills?
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Question 3
I feel as if critical thinking is important to me because it really seperates you form a lot of people. Were learning right now in Comm Ethics that when we say something we should learn why we said something or why we gave the response that we did. As Dr.Chase would say we need to be, "Mindful" and not,"Mindless" as most of us are. There are infinite numbers of answers to any one question and no one can say that one is completely right and all others are wrong but to understand why we gave the answer we did really helps you to understand where they come from. In another area it helps you to keep an open mind so that you may be open to new ideas and open to new things. Thinking Critically is one of the most important and also I find it as one of the more difficult things to learn and think about. I feel that you have to acitvely try to think critically and hard at everything to make it a habit where you can do it naturally. I feel that when you can do this without thinking, you can see many things in a different way and the change I feel will be noticeable. Whether to a Boss, employee, friend, family member. In any of these cases it will not be a bad thing. Furthermore going into a job interview where you will be asked questions I feel that the Interviewer will be able to know if you can think critically or not and be able to really seperate you from the rest of the candidates. Not only on a competition side but you will better yourself with the company and an employee because thinking critically can help to understand why a company does this a certain way and maybe they can do it another way to better profit or be more effiient.
The statement “Your truth is based off your perception and your perception can change” is profound. To me it means that our truths can change. We think of the truth as a constant in our lives- one of the only things that doesn’t change. But according to that statement, our truth can, and will change. The way that we perceive others and what they say can have an impact on what we believe. That is why active listening and critical thinking are such important skills for us to know and use. Learning and growth are crucial elements to our success. When we listen to other people, and choose to either accept or reject their claims and theories, our truths can change. This is a powerful tool that a speaker holds. Not only can our own truths change, but also, as we speak, we have the power to change others’ truths.
I truly believe being a great critical thinker can help you in an career in life. Being able to think on your toes is so important. Especially in the field I am in. I work in the nursing field which requires you to be a great critical thinker. Sometimes I get put in high pressure situations because we are dealing with another human beings life. Being able to stay calm and figure out what you need to do is so important. This goes hand and hand with public speaking. We need to be able to adapt and think on your toes. A question could be asked or something just unexpected happens and we need to know how to deal with it. And yes there will be pressure because we will be in front of a group of people. So being a great critical thinker is a great quality to have, whether its at work or speaking to a group of people.
Growing up, my mom would tell me I have selective hearing because I either would totally forget or wouldn’t really ever hear her say certain things. For example, before my mom would leave the house to run some errands, she would mention things we needed to get done while she was gone. When she got back, sometimes she would find that the dishes were done, the bathroom was clean, the family room was vacuumed, but not dusted. She would ask why I didn’t get that done, and truthfully I never remembered her saying it. She would then say that I just have selective hearing, and only heard what I wanted to hear. This all goes along with active listening. I was listening when my mom had told me what to do, but maybe I wasn’t really “listening, listening”. I happened to hear something about the family room, so I only guessed that she wanted it vacuumed. Maybe I was distracted with something I else I had been doing at the time. Anyways, if I had really been listening, totally engaged in what my mom was saying, I would’ve been able to hear everything she wanted done, and in the end she would have been happier which, as the saying goes, when mom is happy everyone is happy.
Why is critical thinking so important to you? How can increasing your critical thinking skills help you get what you want in life?
Critical thinking is so very important to me, because it means that I can think for myself. It means that I can do more than take notes and regurgitate whatever is pushed down my throat. Critical thinking means I can evaluate, assess, and ponder before coming to my own decision. It allows me to be taught from many sources and to consider several perspectives, but then to shape my own belief. This way I decide who I am instead of letting others dictate what I believe and how I act. Developing this skill further will make me a valuable contributor to ideas and problem solving in all aspects of my life, whether it be in the work place, among friends, in church, or at home. It will build me into a more individualized person.
I have always been bad at listening and can easily be distracted. It has affected me in many ways and in many different settings. In class I zone out or easily get distracted by things. Also if my parents are talking to me about something serious I sometimes think about something else. It has hurt me in the professional world especially in dance because there is so much listening involved. Also it has hurt me by not understanding things more clearly because of my lack of listening. It has effecting my whole life in school if I would have listened and paid really close attention to what was being said I probably would have come out of the class with better grades and better understanding of the class. I hope I improve so I can learn more and be more involved in what’s going on.
Question 1
I couldn't agree more that the better of a listener you are, the better speaker you are. If you're always just focusing on YOUR ow speech, how YOU will sound and what YOU are doing then there is no other way to improve yourself if you can't pay attention to others. If you can understand, critique, (likes and dislikes), others then you can polish yourself as well as learn a lot more. There is a saying that the best teachers are/were the best students and I think it goes hand in had with listening/ speaking. A few years ago I was getting ready to give my first talk in church and I remember first being completely lost, not realizing what you're supposed to do, or how to act when you're in front of a big audience. I remember watching my teachers at school the week before and paying attention to how they present themselves and effectively communicate with the class. Listening to their tones and other things. I think that helped me a lot to prepare for my first talk ever and really helped calmed my nerves.
How has active listening helped you personally or professionally in your life?
Active listening has helped me in my personal life because its good for me to see another points of view on many things. I am a talker so i may not always be good at listening but its something I have been trying to work on. I've tried to give talks on subjects in the past and or figure out different problems at work. Sometimes its hard for me to get out exactaly what i would like to say. To hear others talk about similar subjects gives me more insight. Its gives me new ideas and actually helps me learn more. To have others discuss similar problems at work helps me understand that there is more than one point of view of how to slove a problem. Despite what i sometimes think my solution may not always be the best so its nice to get a perspective from others. From active listening i am able to absorb new information to help get a better understanding on how others think and also to help me better at my job.
The skill of critical thinking is very important to me because I like to know why things are the way they are, and how everything works. It is important to me know because I am trying to get the most out of my college experience and also try to create a few ways to help students while I’m at it. I also hope to use critical thinking to help me generate some income by finding a common need of people and offering a service to fulfill that need. In the future, critical thinking will help me accomplish my goals in two ways, it will help me know how to better serve my clientele as an accountant, and it will also help me to find ways to start my own businesses. Not to mention I hope to be a good husband and father in the future and being a good critical thinker will help me tackle any problems that arise.
Listening in general is something I have lacked. The expression “In one ear and out the other” applies to myself probably more than it should. How it’s affected me in my personal life is pretty large. I struggle with the ability to multitask while listening. However, when you have my undivided attention my active listening skills are great. I respond appropriately and usually always have some kind of feedback. In my professional life it has affected my class work. I almost always tune out and get distracted by one thing or another, unless I am 100% in tune with what the speaker has to say. Achieving the goal of active listening is important because you create the ability to give someone your attention and it is important to them to have your attention so they can feel as if you are learning.
3. Why is critical thinking so important to you? How can increasing your critical thinking skills help you get what you want in life?
Critical thinking is a whole different level of understanding and creating personal thoughts that a lot of teenagers lack. I think we take things as they are and that's that. It takes someone who can critically think to really understand situations and find the best way to handle them and maturity comes with that. I believe critical thinking can help me on a daily basis in school and work, with relationships and even with my religion. When you can process and analyze situations to fully understand them, the choices and way you react to them will have a more positive outcome for you. As I get older and more educated my ability to critically think things through grows and that will help me to get to places in my life. I'll become more perceptive to things around me and find ways to make what I want happen. I want to be in the fashion industry and I will need to work hard and stand out with all the competition out there! Hopefully I will be able to think through every step there is to get to the top!
I have a real problem with staying on task, I try to listen in my classes especially math. In high school i was a little better because I wasn't allowed to have my phone with me at all or it would be taken away, but now in college I can have my laptop, cell phone or ipod. To many distractions and I guess I don't have the self control to stop. Last year I was going to school at Utah State. I was in a math class with 500 students in it. The teacher would give a lecture and assign test, no questions. If you weren't at full attention, tough luck. To make a long story short i became off task half way through every class and got a D in the coarse, it brought my GPA down and wasting time and credits, because now i am taking it over again this semester.
Active listening has helped me personally in multiple ways; it’s an endless tool. One way it has helped me through high school even now is considering multiply perspectives towards different situations. By doing this I can understand a problem that I might not have understood if I haven’t considered a friends perspective. Allowing your self to consider different perspectives would make you question your own thoughts and may even help you think of the bigger picture, it could also broaden your over look on life. Being open is good but being gullible will lead you to believing false information and you’ll look like a fool. It’s important to know the information your absorbing is true and sometimes you’ll have to stand strong in what you believe in and have learned. Lastly, active listening help’s me learn, learn, learn, and LEARN. I feel that this is most valuable because you will become educated and understand your material better. When you know your information you will reset the trap of believing everything you hear.
I often get yelled at by my mom because I only listen to about 25% of what she says to me, in fact just yesterday I went to get pizza for dinner and after ordering my mom called and asked what I got so I just said “pizza” after that point I have no clue what else she said for that other three minutes. When I got home she asked me if I got her breadsticks, apparently they wanted to see if I would think about others, I said “nope didn’t know you wanted them.” She told me she dropped a hint. Because of my selective hearing I missed what my mom said and continue to cause she normally just keeps talking anyway. My selective hearing has been my downfall on many occasions but has also helped me when people talk when I need to listen to something important.
Active listening has saved my life. I was failing a class in High school because honestly i did not care. I did not like the teacher or the subject. When mid terms came around I was failing with little hope to recover. I had two choices; either fail or do one on one lessons with the teacher. Well actively listening to her in these lessons and asking questions as well as taking notes earned me a c+ in the end. I gave up everything for three weeks to work one on one and actively so that my final grade saved me from having to repeat the class and being held back for one credit.
Jenny campbell
A lack of communication and listening definitely hurts people in the work environment. I try my best to really listen but I know others don’t really care. It takes a lot to listen. There is a girl I work with who does her best to not hear other people when she is in a bad mood. I work at a fast food place. When she doesn’t listen when I ask her questions its very frustrating and causes problems. I remember one time I asked if she had made an ice cream cone and she just ignored me so it got remade and it didn’t need to. Another time I asked someone to work for me and she agreed but she wasn’t really paying attention and she didn’t show up so I got a phone call to see why I wasn’t at work. Listening is so important as well as speaking. Also in the home its so important it ruins relationships when there isn’t good listening and speaking, it goes hand in hand both are important!!
When you don't listen to what others say and only focus on what you have to say it hurts your personal relationships a lot. Any relationship you have is between two or more people. And even if you don't like what someone have to say if you don't listen to them how can you expect them to listen to you? For one, it's just a common curtisy thing. Plus, if you don't want to listen to what others have to say then why are you even talking to them in the first place? But active listening is much more than just listening. It helps you have a better understanding for why people are the way they are, and will help you gain more knowledge and better opinions from listeing to what others have to say.
Question 2:
I have learned throughout my life that it is possible to listen without actually hearing anything. It is kind of the same as reading many pages in a book then realizing you weren't thinking about what you just read but instead your mind was wandering. It is always annoying when that happens because you have to go back and reread those pages. Not actively listening is the same thing. After everything is said, you have to ask someone to repeat everything and that gets annoying! I have had times in my life where I wasn't actively listening and I have missed very important information. In some cases I have missed important opportunities involving graduating with higher honors. It makes me regret not fully listening the first time because I know if I would've payed attention for a few more minutes I would've known exactly what they were talking about. If only it were easier to just stay focused and listen at all times!
Listening has helped me in so many different ways! It's almost common sense that the better you are at listening the more you will learn or get out of any speech. For example if you go to math class but are worried about all the homework you have in english class you will then leave math class worried about all your english homework and math problems. When we don't listen to what's in front of us we just end up creating more problems for ourselves. As stated in this lesson though, when we remove distractions and really focus on listening we learn about the topic and also become better speakers ourselves. Active listening has helped me in every aspect of my life. Whether i am in a school class, a business meeting, or just one on one with a friend. When i am listening i understand and can apply. As this lesson has said when we listen we learn and also become better speakers ourselves!
Think back to the statement, "Your truth is based off your perception and your perception can change." What does that mean to you and how does it affect your listening skills?
This quote proves true to the fact that learning is a never ending process of life. As each person gains individual knowledge from life experience or self teach, the mind is constantly changing ideas, fixing what is right from what is wrong. People have their own set of guidelines for life, and tend to live by their own standards. Yet at the same time, they strive for self improvement by shaping insights, which will change with time. This world is opinionated, which explains why everyone’s idea of truth is separate from one another. Different beliefs, culture, lifestyle, religion, and morals exist because humanity is made of differences brought together. Ideas are exchanged, stories are shared, and decisions are based off differing resources. This quote really stands out to me because of its accuracy. I hope to continue becoming a better person than where I am at now and I know it will only come through active listening. By being able to actively engage with another, one will have the opportunity to learn and grow from information and experience.
Everyone perceives things differently. Not everyone looks at a sunset the same way. However, if we were to learn something about a sunset, whether it be scientific or about how another views it, then we can take what we have learned and we might be able to perceive the sunset in a whole new light. (Ha! Like my play on words there? Corny, I know!) But if we're not going to pay complete attention to that new information we've been given, by actively listening, we're not going to be perceiving the sunset any differently than we did before. I am always wanting to learn new things, and I'm open to the idea of learning something that contradicts what I already know. However, I enjoy learning things more when they enhance what I have already know. This could change my perspective in the matter sometimes even more than learning something that contradicts what I've already learned. So, I'm always looking for something to increase my knowledge, even if it's just a fraction of light skimming over the horizon.
I would like to respond to question #1: I think that there are many ways that active listing has helped me, both in my personal life and in my professional life. I good example with personal life is the relationship that I have with my wife. I have noticed a huge difference in the smoothness of our marriage when I actively listen to what my wife has to say, versus when I am distracted or tired from work and I pretend like I am listening but in reality my mind is somewhere else. Also with my career, on the days when I can really focus on what a client is talking about with me I feel like my comments back to that person are better and more relevant. Which I believe in turn helps that person feel like they re being listened too and things seem to go a lot smoother with my clients.
I have always been a pretty good listener. I have seen this benefit me in many aspects of my life. When you take the time to listen and learn to ask good questions it becomes very clear how much people enjoy talking about themselves. I am sure you will find some that argue it but according to my observations this is a universal rule. There may be some subjects certain people prefer to avoid but get them on a comfortable topic and they will talk your ear off. I think being able to ask the right questions plays a very large role in active listening. Close ended questions or the typical, “how was your day?” aren’t questions that spark interested or further conversation. The more you understand a topic the easier it is to ask intriguing questions and can really impress a client, date, etc… The better I get at listening the more people enjoy being around me and the easier it is to win friends and influence people.
In the past, when my listening wasn't so active it really affected the relationships I had with others around me. The biggest example I can think of is that with my sister. She is such a good listener and I can always go to her with my problems and she makes herself free of any distractions. Sometimes when she has tried to talk to me, I have been texting or on Facebook and she has gotten really frustrated with me! In my professional life, I work in retail so communication is a big deal. I must be able to listen to the customers needs and if I need manager help, I have to be able to effectively listen to my managers instructions on how to handle the situation. I think I can always have improvement on actively listening but for now I think I am doing alright! One of the most important things for me to remember when listening to others is to keep eye contact and when appropriate respond verbally to what they are saying. If it isn't a place for you to say anything, you can still nod your head and smile or show in other ways that you are interested.
While serving a mission for the LDS Church in Tacoma, Washington; we are always helping people over come physical, spiritual, mental, personal, and family problems. There have been many times where I would be listening to the individual or family, and I will be able to find an answer to the problem or struggle. There was one instant where we were helping a man overcome a smoking, drug, and drinking addiction. As we sat there and listened, we were able to find out what triggers him to do those things, why he did them, and how we were able to help him overcome those addictions. When you are genuinely listening, it shows respect, it shows that you actually care about the person who is talking to you. However, your physiques can also affect your relationship with that person. This is why you need to be focus on that person who is speaking to you, respond at the right time, and always have eye contact. Those simple skills can help you become a better speaker because you will be able to know what to say, be able to evaluate the people or the situation, and you will be more successful. Those are some basic skills I have learned while serving a mission.
Active listening has helped me in my professional life in many ways. I work for a physical therapist so I listen to patients all day long. I have to be able to listen to them to know how they are really feeling. We make notes in their charts so we can track their progress. If I am not listening to my patients then we don’t really know how they are doing and how well they are progressing. I’m not going to lie, some days I get really busy and can’t really focus on what the patient tells me or get kind of sick of the complaining ones. But at the end of the day my boss will ask me how a certain patient was doing and I’ll have no idea what they even said. So I have to work on my active listening skills everyday which will help me to become a better public speaker.
#2 how has the lack of active listening hurt you in your professional or personal life?
My father has always told me I never pay attention. I will be working with him and he will give me vital instructions, that I sometimes miss. I will then either go back asking again, or screwing up what ever I am doing. I have found that it's easier to listen the first time, as opposed to the second or third. It is also something I am sure we have all faced in class before. Not paying attention to the instructor, and then having to go back and reteach yourself what they have already taught. Not listening can be a frustrating thing. I feel like it makes me look silly or unprofessional. One moment in particular I was working, I was making a part for my dads business. I did my math wrong and I ended up ruining a 400 dollar piece, and wasting 5 hours of my time. If I would have listened it would have saved me a lot of greif.
Active listening has affected me personally with my school work. My senior year in high school went through a rough year and I had a hard time focuses on what the teachers or anyone in general said to me. I was always thinking about something else. My grades were horrible because never knew what the assignments were or I didn't know how to do them. I think people were getting annoyed with always having to repeat things to me. I think it's important to be an active listener because you need to know what's going on. You need to be able to understand what is being said because it could be very important information. In the future being a teacher I need to become a better active listener so when children have problems they can feel they can come to me to talk to and I can helpbthem with their problems. You can't help solve problems if you dont listen to what the problem is.
Actively listening has helped me in my life a lot when I did it… I served and LDS mission in Rosario, Argentina for two years, and learning Spanish was kind of hard for me but if I actively engaged my self in listening to the conversation and I was able to participate in the conversation and I was able to help teach and to also learn more about the people we were teaching and their needs. This helped me be a better missionary because I was able to get to know the people of Argentina and their culture and how these people “ticked.” The Argentine people noticed at how I listened to then and actually cared about what they were saying so I was able to give them advice and receive it as well in a different way or form. Actively listening helped me get the job that I have now because I was able to listen to what the people who were interviewing me and answer their questions in a way that would help me do well in the interview.
At one point in my marriage, my husband informed me (and I realized) that I am not a very good active listener. I guess the saying “opposites attract” is true because me and my husband couldn't be more different. He is very logical and can have long, drawn out conversations about the most complicated and technical procedures, none of which I know anything about. This is where the “bad listening” comes in. He would be talking and because I didn't understand what he was talking about and wasn't interested in what he was saying, I literally would tune out. There were actual times, which I am not proud to admit, that he stopped talking about that subject and said something completely random and I kept nodding and smiling. As funny as this might sound, it had a real impact on my marriage and I learned how to actively listen even when I don't understand. It turns out that when you actively listen, you can learn some things as well as make someone feel important, respected , and loved.
Active listening has been an amazing asset to me professionally. I work as a professional caddie at Red Ledges and listening is the most important thing I can do. The words that people use tell a lot about what they are thinking. I can tell from the words that they use as they are preparing to hit a shot what they are thinking. From those few words I can tell immediately how much coaching they will need on their shot. Some people don't need much coaching while others need an incredible amount. It is amazing how much people will tell you if you ask them. If you ask them if they would like a yardage, a read on their putt, for you to clean their golf ball they will tell you. Listening to the answers to those questions ensures that I am helping them as much as possible. People love to be listened to and the tip and the end of the day is much bigger to those that listen. Listening is an incredible asset in life and will help you become a better public speaker.
The best way active listening has helped me personally is with my relationships with others. I have always tried to listen to others point of views and respond accordingly. I think listening is a HUGE part of communicating. Talking is a good way to deliver your point but if you can't listen and understand your audience it will never get through to them. I have dated quite a few different girls throughout my life. I have come to find that if I truly listen to their concerns and points of view we have a way stronger relationship. My mom and dad like to give me advice on various things. I used to not listen to them and argue with them. Now I try to listen to them and understand their point of view. It has made me respect their views and really helps me understand the point they are trying to make.
Active listening has always been a struggle for me. I am so easily distracted and lack the ability to very effectively focus on more than one thing at a time. Although I have gotten much better at this in the last year I still find myself in many instances thinking, "gosh what in the world did that person say?" My mom has gotten very used to me calling to ask her a question and then calling back again ten minutes later because I was focusing on something else during the first phone call. Sitting still and focusing on one thing is just as hard for me. As bad as it is I am like a little kid when it comes to easily being entertained and distracted by the weirdest things. My senior year in high school I realized how inportant active listening is and started to teach myself to participate in that listening much more often. I have definitely noticed a change in my personal life as well as in my job. Hopefully by the end of this semester I will have continued to get much better at it.
Q:Truth is based off your perception and your perception can change. What's this mean to me and how does it affect my listening skills?..We as humans have a hared time listenign to others opinions because we are stubborn. Sometimes this can affect me. But me keeping an open mind is imparative. I do know that expect people to listen to me so in return I respect others by keepiing an open mindm listening, and maybe even accepting that thier perceptions are valuable. I myself do not know all truth and when I present an argument, I am open to others opinions. And I give the same respect in return.
How has the lack of active listening hurt you in your personal or professional life?
I have never really been a very good active listener. I tend to daze off a lot. I will be thinking of one thing, then that will spark another interest in something else and so on and so forth. There is one particular situation where I really wish I would have listened more carefully. I have been playing soccer since I was 5 (I am 19 now). One game we were getting told the line up and how my coach wanted us to play that particular team. Apparently I was supposed to mark up on a specific girl. I hadn’t heard that so I just went out and played normally. The girl i was supposed to mark ended up scoring in the first minute. If I had better active listening skills then i might have been able to prevent that. I am hoping this class with help me become a better listener.
Okay, first things first, I HATE MATH! I seriously hate it so bad, I feel as though there at 4702198347123 ways to do one problem and the one way that I choose to do it, I get the wrong answer. In high school I didn't really care about school, I would find any reason to not go to class, I would do other things when I did go to class, like draw, sleep, or talk to my friends. I thought that I could just pass with okay grades and I would be okay, but in reality, after I graduated, I felt completely retarded and like I didn't accomplish anything. I mean yeah I graduated high school, but I didn't feel good about it, cause I just slipped right through my classes. So when I decided I was going to college here at Dixie, I was going to take math seriously and I was going to really listen, be to class everyday and do my homework. I have had everyone of my assignments turned in, I pay attention in class, and I actually understand what problems I am doing, and how to do them. Just by listening and really paying attention in class, I have learned more in this week or so in math than I did all through high school, not even joking. So it just shows when you really listen to what you are being told or taught, that you will learn how to do things, or you will take what you are being told into your life, and maybe even better yourself.
How has active listening helped you personally or professionally in your life? - My life is full of active listening. In my radio station job as production manager I had to sometimes write commercial copy. To effectively do this I had to listen to either the sales rep who was speaking on behalf of the client or the client themselves. Usually when a client tries to explain what they would like their commercial to entail they give way too much information or way too little. It is rare that they actually give the precise amount of needed information. It is important for me as the production manager to sift through all the information they give me and determine what is the most important and what does not merit a mention. If they are holding back, it is my job to open them up and let them know I will listen and no idea they have is stupid. Once they are confident, we can write a commercial that fits their product or service and they feel good about it.
I want to comment on "Your truth is based off your perception and your perception can change." Growning up in the "Utah Bubble" as I call it my "truth" was limited and confined to the predominant culture in the area. (Keep in mind that I was born and lived in Louisville Ky until I was 8). So I saw some other aspects of "truth" in there parts of the world but I never really put thought into the fact that my roots were not necessarily "truth". Until I really spent my own time in the "real world", not under my parents roof, I never really had my "truth" challenged. In the two years that I lived in Iowa I had my "truth" challenged multiple times a day. Not just my religion but also my character and integrity. My few lifes experiences have helped me to understand that ones truth comes from their own experience. For instance the individuals that are secluded in the amazon without contact in the outside world see their way of life, their deity, and their technology as what the world is. That is their truth. We know they exist but our "truth" is completely different than theirs. Again rib-eye steak medium rare may be the best food in my opinion. That is my "truth". To a vegetarian their truth will be different.
Question 1
Active listening has helped me a lot in my life. Whether it is at school, volleyball practice, church, or a one on one conversation with a friend. You truly can get so much more out of life if you have a purpose in mind when you are attending a class or just enjoying every day conversation. Everyone you associate with will have more trust and respect for you. I also want to add one thing and that is, as an active listener I think it is important to also be very open minded so that you will be more accepting to everything you are hearing and maybe even apply it to your life. In my opinion I think that is that 'purpose' of active listening. Even if it is just acquiring respect for someone and what they have to say, it still served a purpose to you.
Sometimes we think we know it all. If we don’t know it all, we are tempted to think that we may not “know it all personally,” but that you know the “right answer.” Having that type of attitude will truly lead you to a very limited scope of mind. The fact of the matter is, our opinions are based on our point of view. They are based on our angle with which we see the topic. Our life experiences make us biased in one way or another. As we progress through life and gain a wealth of experiences, we will learn how much we truly have yet to learn. Coming to that understanding is a humbling yet rewarding thing. From that point forward we are able to realize that we have something to learn from anyone, regardless of their situation. Every person we come in contact with has had a whole different set of life experiences that if you will be actively interested in, could lead to a wealth of knowledge. A unique phenomenon then happens. Even if a conversation you have with someone doesn’t offer new information, your thoughts in expanding upon their ideas can lead to a discovery in your own mind.
Like most people I’m not the best active listener. I have had much success when I am an active listener and much failure when I’m not active listener. When I am actively listen things tend to go more smoothly for example in school if I am actively listening homework assignments go by more quick, tests aren’t as hard, I don’t have to put hours and hours of time into studying and I think professors really do know who actually pays attention in class. If the teacher knows that you really do listen in class I feel like there is more respect for each other. Times that I haven’t been actively listening have put me in bad situations. The worst is when you’re not really listening to whoever is talking know and call you out on it. It makes you feel very dumb, you probably look dumb, it loses respect that they had for you, others that see it probably don’t trust that you’re listening so they might avoid talking to you because they want someone that will listen to them. I’m not always a 100% active listener all the time but I know that when I am things are better.
Listening attentively has been a major asset in my life. It has helped me academically, socially, as well as professionally. I have been able to form my own opinions and answers based on the things that I have learned while listening to others. Active listening has especially helped me in school. I have been able to understand concepts and ideas more fully and in return done better on exams. I have also come to realize the different subjects that interest me because of the information that I was given through my teachers. Information that I would not have otherwise gained if I hadn't been paying close attention. Socially, it has made a huge impact. I have been able to get to know others much quicker than I would have if I didn't listen to things that they would tell me about their experiences or likes and dislikes. As mentioned earlier, it has also helped me to gain my own ideas and opinions about certain things because I have been able to take in what others think and formulate my own ideas. To do well in the professional world listening is key. When you are in meetings with others it is crucial that you listen to the material that they are presenting in case you have to report on it again later. Listening attentively is a skill that if you have, will benefit you in countless ways.
In my early twenties I decided to become a sales person. I had a ton of ambition, and no fear of people. After a few months I realized that sales is tough, its even tougher to find a person to train you right in the sales industry. After about 1 year I learned that asking questions is a good way to get people to open up. However really listing to a person is how you find out if they are a potential client, or if you even want them as a client. So many sale people get the wrong clients cause all they want is the check. It took some time to figure out that sales isn't talking someone into buying a product, its finding people who want your product by listening to them. Then simply closing the deal.
2.How has the lack of active listening hurt you in your personal or professional life?
Throughout my life I never really liked being at school. I loved meeting new friends and getting to hang out with my friends everyday but the actual part of learning just didn't seem very fun to me. I still went to school every day but I have to admit I wasn't always paying attention to what my teachers were trying to teach me. I definitely wasn't always actively listening. I was usually either daydreaming or thinking about what I was going to do after school with my friends. Now that I am older, I definitely regret not always actively listening in school. I missed out on a lot of important information that I could have used. Although I missed out on information because I wasn't actively listening, I have learned the importance of actively listening to as much as possible in my adult life now. I have been able to learn important things the first time by always actively listening.
Active listening has been a crucial part of being a better musician. Many people do not listen to music in a sense that i do as a musician. As a musician, you have to be able to separate the music as a whole and digest individual parts. This is a way of active listening. For instance, most people hear a rock song, they hear everything as a single poduct of a song. This isn't active listening. An active listener would listen and pay attension to the guitar, drums, piano, etc. they would zone out whatever they werent interested in and hear only what instrument they wanted to hear. Playing an instrument and learning how to play off of ear, requires a high concentration of active listening.
I work as a CrossFit trainer so I interact with anywhere between 30 to 100 people everyday. When I'm instructing my clients it's very important to me that they listen to what I have to say and they act on my instruction. It's also equally important that I listen to what they have to say so that I can take feedback well, and know exactly what my client's concerns are so that I can resolve them appropriately. Whenever I allow myself to get distracted by a variety of things, both external and internal, I miss what my clients are telling me and I am less able to resolve their concerns. In my personal life, nothing kills a date faster than when you fail to listen to what she has to say. It's important in social interactions to take interest in what the other person is saying and respond with valid thoughts, which is impossible to do if you don't listen.
I think that I learned how to be a good active listener on my mission. One of the benefits of being an active listener that I've since realized is that I'm better at detecting when people are lying to me. When I'm actively listening to someone, I'm studying their body language as well as their verbal language. As a missionary, you get lied to a LOT. People that don't want to see you again sometimes don't want to be rude, so they lie about "being busy all next week" or something. I've found that being an active listener makes it a lot easier to pick up on the little things people do when they lie, and it's helped me on occasion in my life.
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